I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
