If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Green mimosas i think yes
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
