I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
