he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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