Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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