You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
