I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
