i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm both gender and math confused
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
