Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
