But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize