Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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