Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
