I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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