As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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