Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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