He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
