The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
