So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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