Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize