why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Randomize
