i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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