Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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