I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Boobs speak an international language.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
