were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
