how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
So vagazzling was a success
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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