Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
