if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
