What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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