so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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