I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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