we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
