I'm going to jail i love you
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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