tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
