My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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