In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize