eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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