those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
