I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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