never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
