Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
