you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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