If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
