she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
