He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
