I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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