He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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