Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
