K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
