he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Randomize
