Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
