My brain says no but my pants say off.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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