She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
