I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
