How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
