i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
