He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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