I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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