now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
