I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
