Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
