the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
