i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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